hamsterfly

I recently just went through a very hard phase in life. Moving to another city. My hometown was.... quite nice. It was exactly what I needed in life. Not crowded, but also not quite. Not many people, but also not quiet. They dont have all the things in the world, but they have all the things we need. So it was actually... very perfect for me.  I used to like big cities, because those are places I can explore... and offer me alot of fun things to do. But then I grew up, and I realize I am not those kind of person. Being in the same boring place is actually not bad. I mean let me do the things... and give me some spaces to do other things. You know what I mean? I worked 8-5, and then... I could get to enjoy a cheap coffee in a random coffe shop that costs 0,3% of my salary. And it doesnt really matter if it was 1%... because I dont have to pay rent. I have a house. Or I would go to a bookstore (whiche only 1 in the city), reading some stuff most of people dont find interesting... but...

In my previous post, I know I was being too harsh about my husband. Trust me, I wasn't even serious. So only 10% of that was true LOL. Was it? or...  Anyway, let's talk about having a husband. In this case, MY HUSBAND.  It's actually not that bad, having a husband. Its actually pretty nice to have someone to talk 24/7 without being bored to us (because he isn't allowed to).  And he pay for my food. actually almost everything. i kinda have my own money to save money. and i pay almost everything with my husband's money. And what else? You know i talk a lot, i tell a lot. and i have my husband who listens to me, even just a small stupid silly thing. I like travel, i used to travel every month. Alone. mostly. but now, I'm not alone anymore. I have this human walking by my side. And i don't have to use my brain to google things, foods, or places to go. Because my husband is my google. He will be the one who googling most of it. And all i do is just say yes or no ...

Having a husband can be really fun. But also can be very tough. Imagine devoting your whole life for a guy you just met like? ummm in my case 17 years ago ~. Cooking for him. Sleeping with him. Taking care of his laundries. Also have sex with him to satisfy his needs? WTF. Why do I end up in this life? This isn't the life I planned when I was 17! I wanted to travel the world and meet so many hot guys! But here I am living with one single person, for the rest of my life. wow Not to mention, getting pregnant and carry his children, for what? for my babies to take his last name? ew. why would i do that? -_- its me, im pregnant, also its me i give birth. and yet, they carry my husband's name. unfair! living in a patriarchy world is really hard for a wemen like me~ im independent strong and i know what i want in life. and here i am, i have to pretend that i need this man? ewww No. I have to act like im weak in front of him just to feed his ego!! no way! i hate it. how do i end up in...

Sooo. here i am. in 2025. i made it to live to 2025.  Im okay, but Im not happy. Im sad. and clueless. Im thinking about flying away. from all this mess.  Im honestly tired, but I have to live with it right? Im trying my best. to make it not obvious, trying my best to look okay. But at the end of the day, when its just me in my room. I begin to cry. Life is unfair, indeed. I need to remind myself that life is just temporary. But why its so hard? If i could go back to 2 years back, maybe... i will be ok? I will tell my self to make the right decisions. but what can i do now? nothing shit happened. can't go back. its too late. im trapped. i dont know what to do.  will i be sad for the rest of my life? i hope not.

 Hello its me. Ive been writing on this blog since I was maybe 12? I dont even remember. Right now its 10:13 pm, Dec 17th 2024. Guess what? I got married last month. Nov 17. It's pretty weird. I got married to the person I wrote about here too. Maybe if you read my past posts....you will find about him. It's really weird because I get to do things with a boy. I tell him things, I talk to him, he cooks for me, I clean for him. Like... tbh... I thought I would get married by the age of 35. That's why It is a very shocking condition. Im 28 years old now. no. Im not saying Im old, but Im just really mature now. OMG. Wait, this is just an intrusive thoughts, but can you imagine me as a MOM? a MOTHER? but wait, let's put it aside. I still have no plan to be a mother in the near time. I still want my free life. I mean, Its not that I dont want to be a mother, but I need more time to learn. Anyway, let's go back to being a wife: he is my best friend. he was and he is, and h...

The day I got engaged to my best friend! I decided to give it a chance, and I dont regret it at all. This, by far, is the best decision I've ever made. Can't wait to spend my future with him. Now, I have someone I can trust my life with. Its exciting!!!

some things didn't work out, and it's for the best. i let go all the things i can't control and focusing on the things i can control. guess where i am now? in a big city. the place i thought i would never spend some times (for like about 3 months or less). i don't like it here, but i enjoy visiting new places on my day off. i think about my future and i am exciting again. i lost interest in life last year, i literally felt like i was done living. but i was wrong!! i was not done living, i was just with the wrong people. i found sparks again in life. and guess what? 2 days ago i just spent my time with the person i had crush on when i was... idk maybe 13? so funny and it was so unpredictable. hahaha. best days of my life. but sometimes i feel lonely here, i miss my cats and my bedroom. also the routine here is kinda boring. lifeless. i miss being free~ tbh. but i will get use to it. i always find a way to enjoy things (always). im writing this at work to look busy lol. o...

4 years passed since the last time I wrote in my blog. Well, what happened in 4 years? A lot of things. I managed to finish my medical school which makes me a doctor now, even though I dont have proper job but Al hamdulillah I get enough salary to feed me and my cat. Oh yeah I have a cat that I adopted this march, she is Molly and I lover her very much. I finally moved on from the people who don't deserve me, and that was very relieved. I was thinking that I might never loved anyone again, but I was wrong. I met someone who I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I met him just in a blink of an eye, and that's it, I fall for him. I finally feel alive again. I've never felt this way to someone before. No, this is definitely not my first love, but this is definitely the biggest love I ever had to someone, and hopefully the last love in my life. And I am so grateful for this.  Anyway I am an adult now. I managed to take care of myself, I pay my own bills, buy my own food. And ...

Hi blog. long time no see. I am fine, i guess. Terakhir posting adalah, postingan menye tentang nikah. Hahaha Thats crazy mizyal! SO many things changed in the last 9 months (since the last time i visited you). School drives me crazy. People drive me even crazier. uhghghgh Why.. Why im 21. Why im not 13 anymore. And the bad news is ................ I'll be 22 in less than a month. thats suck WHY NATURE? WHY Why I am 21. I hate being adult with many responsibilities. I want to be a cute little girl like I used to be. I just need to eat, sleep, pooping. ughhhhhh In the last 9 months, I made many big decisions for my life. HAHAHA They probably will change my life forever. I have different goals now in life. Well, i guess im growing up. 21 is crazyyyyyyyyyyyy dude. Like, Im officially an adult. wtf. 21 makes me realize many things Like... i cant always get what i want. i need to respect people decisions. i need to work really hard to get what i want. i dont always fin...

Sebenernya gak kosong juga sih. Tapi hanya merasa kosong. Ntah kenapa apa yg salah, seharusnya ini belajar buat ujian, eh malah tersesat nulis blog. sebenernya gak ada niat nulis apa-apa. Cuma gak sengaja buka blog, terus kebaca, terus agak baper. Kalo dipiki-pikir kok dulu agak bego ya apa-apa semua ditulis di blog. Agak sedikit nyesel, tapi gak apa lah buat tanda kalo pernah alay. Mungkin aku cuma butuh motivasi untuk meneruskan semua ini. Kadang capek betul, kayak gak ada semangat. Pingin kabur, tapi kemana? Pingin selesai aja, tapi gak semudah itu. Semua yang di ekspektasikan di awal, ternyata tidak semuanya benar. HaaHaaHaa. Yaudah deh, udah terlanjur juga. Mau gimana lagi? Cuma berharap aja dikasih kekuatan dan dukungan sampe nanti selesai. Susah sih, tapi insyaallah hasilnya pasti baik. Belum lagi ntar kepikiran hal-hal yang aneh, yang sebenernya tidak ada kapasitas otak saya untuk menampungnya. Dan kemudian itu akan menyingkirkan hal-hal lain yang lebih penting. Well, mungkin...

Astaghfirullah... Entah kenapa tiba-tiba bisa nulis judul seperti itu. Ini cuman terlintas aja dibenak hati seorang Mizyal. Maklum, suasana memang mendukung. Hari ini habis kondangan nemenin emak, dan pas pula suasana hujan gerimis di malam hari ini. Lengkaplah sudah untuk menggalau. Sebenernya, ini postingan gak penting sih. Tapi mungkin suatu saat aku flashback baca postingan ini, bisa buat ketawa. LOL Kalo bicara nikah sih berat ya. Berat banget. Karena nikah bukan soal aku kamu jadi satu atap. Tapi ini tentang menyatukan 2 pemikiran, 2 pendapat, 2 keyakinan, 2 kebiasaan, dan 2-2 lainnya untuk jadi satu. Berat euy! Dulu, waktu SMA sempet niatin : 20 tahun pokoknya NIKAH. Tapi semakin ke sini, dan setelah menjalani 9 bulan berumur 20 tahun, kok semakin kasian sama diri ini waktu SMA. Kok bisa-bisanya bikin target 20 nikah. HaaHaa. Mungkin aku dimasa lalu belum tau susahnya sekolah, susahnya ngurus diri sendiri, susahnya cari makan. LOL. Yah namanya juga SMA, pasti yang keliatan su...

Hari dimana aku menghadapi salah satu cobaan terbesar dalam hidup. Hahaha. Lebay! Hari bersejarah dimana itu adalah kedua kalinya SOCA. Dan, u know... ini bukan sembarang SOCA. Ini SOCA tingkat inflamasi. Alias susah astaghfirullah!!!! Jadi waktu itu harus jelasin inflamasi. Pokoknya proses nya .....(sensor). Dan kebetulan dapet penguji yang agak susah kasih nilai dan suka nanya-nanya. Dan kadang pertanyaannya agak susah dicerna. Setiap jawab satu pertanyaan, pasti tanya lagi. Mana wajah beliau sepertinya sebel karena aku gak bisa jawab. Hikss.. Hahahaha. Dan alhasil..... dapetlah aku nilai 49. Tuhan. Nilai macam apa itu. Entah kenapa? Apa aku terkutuk ya. Pernah juga aku ujian matkul beliau dan dapet nilai 38 (BLOK CARDIO NSS. Kalau anak synaps15 baca pasti tau maksud aing). Hahahahahahahahaha. Ya Allah!! Sedihnya. Sampek nangis adek bang. 😂😂 Tapi........ itu gak membuatku sebel atau gmn2 sama beliau. Beliau ttp salah satu dosen yg kukagumi. Beliau cerdas da...

Selamat Datang Mizyal!!! Kedokteran Unsoed 2015. Selamat Berjuang!!!

wohoooey! today is my 19th birthday. amazing! i can't belive i am 19. i thought i would never pass 17. but here i am. i am so happy yet so sad. haha. i love being 18. i wish i could stop aging at 18. :D but this is life... i wish 19 brings me more happiness. it's time for me to work harder than before. i am not a kid anymore. i really need to think seriously about my future, my life. i will face so many difficulties. decisions. i wish in my 19... i will be a better person than before. i wanna be a person who's more caring, closer to God. and one more important thing... i will try my best to be a 100% woman. hahaha it's time for me to leave some silly stuff (probably). fix my heart. smile more (LOL). STUDY HARD. hahah well i guess that's all... Happy 19th Birthday, mizzyaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll :v

When you fall in love, everything is confusing. Kamu akan merasa bersalah sepanjang waktu. Dan bodoh. Kadang juga membuatmu frustasi hingga ingin bunuh diri. Hasrat ingin memiliki yang tinggi bisa membuatmu melakukan hal-hal yang tidak pernah kamu pikirkan sebelumnya. Saat kamu tidak bisa memilikinya, kamu ingin dia mati saja. Karena mungkin itu satu-satunya cara agar dia selamat dari gangguanmu seumur hidupnya. Kamu akan menulis namanya tidak hanya di pasir pantai, tapi juga di setiap lembar kertas yang pernah kau pegang. Saat kamu jatuh cinta, kamu tidak butuh orang lain. Mungkin bagimu, dia cukup untuk bertahan hidup 10, 20, atau 100 tahun lagi. Dia tidak akan tergantikan. 1000 generasi selanjutnya pun tak akan ada yang seperti dia. Cinta itu harus memiliki. Itu mutlak. Hanya orang bohong yang bilang sebaliknya. Kamu rela menempuh segalanya hanya demi melihatnya 1 menit atau bahkan hanya 10 detik. Meskipun hanya terlihat bayangnya saja. Saat kamu jatuh cinta kamu rela mengurangi wak...

Kenapa ya waktu itu cepet banget? Rasanya baru kemaren Manchester City kalah 8-0 dari middlesbrough, eh sekarang udah main di UCL aja. Rasanya baru kemaren SBY dilantik, eh sekarang udah jokowi. Baru kemaren manajer Chelsea Villas Boas, sekarang udah Mourinho lagi. Rasanya baru kemaren ulang tahun ke 13, eh sekarang udah 18 tahun aja. Rasanya kemaren baru MOS smp, lah ini udah lulus SMA. Memang kecepatan waktu menjadi sebuah misteri hingga saat ini.

Salah satu hal termanis di dunia adalah saat kita merindukan seseorang dan mereka melakukan hal yg sama. Sangat lucu sekali bagaimana kalian saling membenci tapi di dalam hati masih saling menyayangi. Kenangan memang aneh. Saat kamu merasa begitu membencinya dan tiba-tiba kenangan indahmu bersamanya muncul. Kebencian itu berkurang, bahkan hilang. Kamu mungkin membencinya, tapi tidak bisa selamanya. Orang-orang yg memberi kenangan indah dalam hidup kita, akan selalu kita sayang. Meskipun kita tdk pernah menyapanya lagi. Atau menyebut namanya di dalam doa kita lagi. Tapi jauh dilubuk hati, namanya selalu terngiang.

😀😀😂😁🇩🇪

Aku sangat sedih. Ini momen lain dimana aku akan kehilangan seseorang yg sangat dekat dengan ku. Seseorang yg bukan hanya keluarga, tapi juga teman. Seseorang yg menyebalkan, tapi sangat peduli padaku. Aku menyesal karena pada hari-hari terakhirnya jarak kami semakin jauh. Bahkan aku sempat membencinya. Tapi, aku beruntung bisa melihatnya tadi malam. Seketika rasa sayangku padanya muncul lagi. Aku selalu dekat dengannya sejak kecil. Kehilangannya akan jadi sesuatu yg menyedihkan bagiku. Dia banyak berjasa untuk aku yg sebelumnya tidak aku sadari. Aneh rasanya melihat dia terbaring lemas. Padahal dulu kami selalu bergurau dan suka menghabiskan waktu bersama. Bahkan kami pernah pergi ke luar kota berdua demi menonton film yg kami tunggu. Dia selalu ceria dulunya. Sekarang wajahnya suram. Sungguh sakit hatiku melihatnya. Aku harap apapun yg terjadi adalah yg terbaik untuknha. Aku harap saat waktunya tiba aku diberi kekuatan oleh Tuhan untuk mengikhlaskannya. Dan semoga dia tenang di sana ...

I love you so much. But...