I recently just went through a very hard phase in life. Moving to another city. My hometown was.... quite nice. It was exactly what I needed in life. Not crowded, but also not quite. Not many people, but also not quiet. They dont have all the things in the world, but they have all the things we need. So it was actually... very perfect for me.
I used to like big cities, because those are places I can explore... and offer me alot of fun things to do. But then I grew up, and I realize I am not those kind of person. Being in the same boring place is actually not bad. I mean let me do the things... and give me some spaces to do other things. You know what I mean?
I worked 8-5, and then... I could get to enjoy a cheap coffee in a random coffe shop that costs 0,3% of my salary. And it doesnt really matter if it was 1%... because I dont have to pay rent. I have a house. Or I would go to a bookstore (whiche only 1 in the city), reading some stuff most of people dont find interesting... but i like it. Living a life very lowkey, because the people are lowkey. I dont need to impress people with my expensive bags or something.. They just find people interesting just the way the are.
I memorized all the streets and the places. I dont even need a map. I remember all the changes of the buildings over the years. And sometimes I still call them like their old names.
I dont need to dress fancy. Because people just simply dont. They dont care. And I like it. I dont have to do my eyebrows. And I can get to put my cheap lipstick. (which sometimes dry my lips, but its ok).
The food behaviour. I dont need to check on the price of the food in the menu. Caus they sell food with reasonable price.
And my friends. I've known most of them since I was I kid. They live there. They know me. My story. My life. And I dont have to explain things to them. I would make a very cruel ugly jokes. and they still laughed (to respect me i guess).
My job was very awful. I didnt like it. It cost me my peace and my time. But I still did it anyway. I met some cool people there and I consider them as my friends. But just like me, some of them left.
And that is in the past... Moving on to the next phase in life..
I recently just moved to this city. I dont like the weather. It makes me sick. It is too hot, and God knows I hate it. But then...again...He puts me here. I can complain about the weather like.. probably.. 10 times a day.
There are so many people. And it makes my head spinning. Im not saying they are not nice. They actually are very nice but... still... I sometimes will hear loud voices. I never get used to this.
I cant believe it too. but.. i miss my job. My job makes me feel like I am needed. I am exist. and I have purpose life. But here, in this city. Im losing all my passion. I really dont know... they just... vanished.
I do not know many people. I do not have friends. I hate the idea of forcing myself into the unknown society. So... its just me myself and i.. almost everyday. the same thing. I dont know how to make friends. because isn't it something u supposed to do when u are younger? i am not young anymore. being in my current age is just... lack of excitement. hormones. aging. i dont know what caused it?!
I am very embarased to admit.. that perhaps. i am lonely. but the thing is... i did exactly (or at least almost the same) things I used to do. but I wasnt lonely back then. I felt... alive. but here.. i feel like im in a space with aliens around me. speaking the language i dont know. which is depressing.
But... again.. it was my choice. And the annoying thing about being an adult is.. i have to face all the consequences, and i cant just runaway from this. I just didnt know.. that i would fuck them up.
That is life i guess. There will be a lot of changes in life. And I still dont know how to deal with it.
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