hamsterfly

Having a husband can be really fun. But also can be very tough. Imagine devoting your whole life for a guy you just met like? ummm in my case 17 years ago ~. Cooking for him. Sleeping with him. Taking care of his laundries. Also have sex with him to satisfy his needs? WTF. Why do I end up in this life? This isn't the life I planned when I was 17! I wanted to travel the world and meet so many hot guys! But here I am living with one single person, for the rest of my life. wow Not to mention, getting pregnant and carry his children, for what? for my babies to take his last name? ew. why would i do that? -_- its me, im pregnant, also its me i give birth. and yet, they carry my husband's name. unfair! living in a patriarchy world is really hard for a wemen like me~ im independent strong and i know what i want in life. and here i am, i have to pretend that i need this man? ewww No. I have to act like im weak in front of him just to feed his ego!! no way! i hate it. how do i end up in...

Sooo. here i am. in 2025. i made it to live to 2025.  Im okay, but Im not happy. Im sad. and clueless. Im thinking about flying away. from all this mess.  Im honestly tired, but I have to live with it right? Im trying my best. to make it not obvious, trying my best to look okay. But at the end of the day, when its just me in my room. I begin to cry. Life is unfair, indeed. I need to remind myself that life is just temporary. But why its so hard? If i could go back to 2 years back, maybe... i will be ok? I will tell my self to make the right decisions. but what can i do now? nothing shit happened. can't go back. its too late. im trapped. i dont know what to do.  will i be sad for the rest of my life? i hope not.

 Hello its me. Ive been writing on this blog since I was maybe 12? I dont even remember. Right now its 10:13 pm, Dec 17th 2024. Guess what? I got married last month. Nov 17. It's pretty weird. I got married to the person I wrote about here too. Maybe if you read my past posts....you will find about him. It's really weird because I get to do things with a boy. I tell him things, I talk to him, he cooks for me, I clean for him. Like... tbh... I thought I would get married by the age of 35. That's why It is a very shocking condition. Im 28 years old now. no. Im not saying Im old, but Im just really mature now. OMG. Wait, this is just an intrusive thoughts, but can you imagine me as a MOM? a MOTHER? but wait, let's put it aside. I still have no plan to be a mother in the near time. I still want my free life. I mean, Its not that I dont want to be a mother, but I need more time to learn. Anyway, let's go back to being a wife: he is my best friend. he was and he is, and h...

The day I got engaged to my best friend! I decided to give it a chance, and I dont regret it at all. This, by far, is the best decision I've ever made. Can't wait to spend my future with him. Now, I have someone I can trust my life with. Its exciting!!!

some things didn't work out, and it's for the best. i let go all the things i can't control and focusing on the things i can control. guess where i am now? in a big city. the place i thought i would never spend some times (for like about 3 months or less). i don't like it here, but i enjoy visiting new places on my day off. i think about my future and i am exciting again. i lost interest in life last year, i literally felt like i was done living. but i was wrong!! i was not done living, i was just with the wrong people. i found sparks again in life. and guess what? 2 days ago i just spent my time with the person i had crush on when i was... idk maybe 13? so funny and it was so unpredictable. hahaha. best days of my life. but sometimes i feel lonely here, i miss my cats and my bedroom. also the routine here is kinda boring. lifeless. i miss being free~ tbh. but i will get use to it. i always find a way to enjoy things (always). im writing this at work to look busy lol. o...

4 years passed since the last time I wrote in my blog. Well, what happened in 4 years? A lot of things. I managed to finish my medical school which makes me a doctor now, even though I dont have proper job but Al hamdulillah I get enough salary to feed me and my cat. Oh yeah I have a cat that I adopted this march, she is Molly and I lover her very much. I finally moved on from the people who don't deserve me, and that was very relieved. I was thinking that I might never loved anyone again, but I was wrong. I met someone who I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I met him just in a blink of an eye, and that's it, I fall for him. I finally feel alive again. I've never felt this way to someone before. No, this is definitely not my first love, but this is definitely the biggest love I ever had to someone, and hopefully the last love in my life. And I am so grateful for this.  Anyway I am an adult now. I managed to take care of myself, I pay my own bills, buy my own food. And ...